Sleep

Holy Mary, mother of God, the child is still awake. We've been putting him to bed for over an hour now, and he's still not out. At least I don't have to blame myself; I'd rather blame the strange room (though he's been sleeping there for a week, now), teething, the cold he's still not over, alien death rays or just about anything other than our parenting skills.

Hang on... I don't hear him moaning right at this moment... that's a good sign. He's usually good about going to bed at night (if not always for naps), and I'm really thankful for that. I don't like leaving him to cry. I can do it for a few minutes, but when he really gets going, doing the "mama, mama, save me!" cry, the one that says it's just too much to bear, my heart breaks and I go to him, comfort him, and put him back down.

I know that I'm lucky to be able to do that at night- I don't have to go to a "real" job in the morning, and I can nap when he naps during the day if I need to. I don't know how parents do it who don't have that luxury. Yes, he's still getting up at night, though we've had full weeks when he didn't. I just learned this week that my brother's 5 month-old sleeps 12 hours straight through the night. As tired as I am, I'm not jealous. OK, maybe just a little (I can't remember getting that much interrupted sleep, and I'd probably cry at the memory if I could), but that's all.

I kind of like having our time together at night. Just a few minutes, usually around 4:30 in the morning; a quick feed and he's back to bed. I'm not usually completely awake, but I'm there enough to appreciate the warm little body cuddled into me, the long eyelashes resting on his big, round cheeks, and the soft breath on my neck as I carry him back to his room. Yes, I groan inside when he starts creaking and it wakes me up from a good dream. But soon he'll be a big boy, too big to need me for middle-of-the-night cuddles. For now, I'm trying to enjoy our time together*. I keep telling myself I'll sleep when I'm dead.

*(I hope I never have an opportunity to read this posting during a nighttime wake-a-thon; I'd probably smack myself for ever writing it.)