Worst Mommy EVER

Have you ever had the feeling that you might, in fact, be the worst mommy in the world? I have. This is not a rational thought- I love my little Man to pieces, bathe him regularly, and I have no hang-ups (pardon the pun) about wire hangers. But there have been moments in my new career as Mommy when I think that maybe I shouldn't have quit my day job.

The first time it happened was the day my boy turned two months old. I was getting him dressed to go to his uncle and aunt-to-be's wedding. Now, I have issues with baby clothes that have their closures on the back at the best of times (who designs these things?!), but this was the worst. Mr. Wiggly was lying on the floor. I pulled the shirt over his head... all good. Did up the crotch snaps (ugh, I HATE that word! "Crotch", not "snaps")... still OK. Then I became the Worst Mommy Ever. I caught the sweet, soft skin at the back of his neck in a snap. He yelled. He wailed. I cried. I scooped my baby up, kissed him, and prayed that no one was going to call Children's Aid on me. For a few irrational moments, I was sure that I did not deserve to have this poor baby. I was going to ruin him. He stopped crying after a few minutes, even before the red mark disappeared from his neck. It took me a little longer.

The second time was just a few nights ago. The little guy has been affectionately known as "Mr. Cranky-Pants" for a few days, now. We're pretty sure he's teething. We were having some nice quiet time, though, just me and my little buddy, before his bedtime. We were in his room. He'd had a bath and a story. It was time for his last meal of the day. All was going well... until he bit me. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone who has never breastfed (or had breasts, in many cases). He doesn't have teeth- how much can it hurt? Imagine someone taking a pair of pliers and squeezing your nipple (which is already a bit sore, might I add, from previous maulings) as hard as they can. Not surprisingly, I yelled. I didn't mean to; it was the shock, the pain- take your pick. I yelled and I frightened my baby. He let go immediately (Thank God!) and stared up at me for a half-second... and then his little face crumpled and he WAILED. I think I gave him the shock of his short little life. Once again I apologized over and over, and once again I cried all over him. This time, at least, the Hubby was there to comfort both of us. But how did I feel? All together, now: Like the Worst Mommy Ever!

I've been told by many people that this is something every mommy feels at least a few times. My own mother confesses to feeling that way after I rolled over for the first time... right off my changing table. I recovered faster than she did (notice a trend, here?), and I think I turned out all right in spite of my tumble. Then there was the time she took me to church with no underpants on... I'll let her tell you that one another time. The point is, I turned out OK. As for her being the Worst Mommy Ever? Hardly. I used to think I'd get her to raise my kids for me so they could have as good a mommy as I'd had.

I know I'm a good Mommy- at least, I'm the best one I can be. But I'm sure that I'll have lots more Worst Mommy Ever moments... and that the little guy will turn out alright in spite of them.